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| Kris | "I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer." -Homer Simpson | | |
| Kris | "People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot." -Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI. | | |
| Kris | "I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop." -Noel Coward | | |
| Steve | Drinking Light Beer is like having sex in a canoe...fucking close to water. -Me | | |
| Beat Bama | "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning thats as good as they're going to feel all day." -Frank Sinatra | | |
| Beat Bama | "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." -Ernest Hemingway | | |
| Beat Bama | "A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." -W.C. Fields | | |
| Beat Bama | "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?" --Stephen Wright | | |
| Beat Bama | "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."--Benjamin Franklin | | |
| Beat Bama | "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." -Dave Barry | | |
| Beat Bama | "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.--"Henny Youngman | | |
| Beat Bama | "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver," --Jack Handy | | |
| Beat Bama | All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. --Homer Simpson | | |
| Beat Bama | You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. --Dean Martin | | |
| Beat Bama | I drink to make other people interesting. --George Jean Nathan | | |
| Beat Bama | Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. --Dave Barry | | |
| Beat Bama | If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thought, Jack Handy | | |
| Beat Bama | He was a wise man who invented beer. --Plato | | |
| Beat Bama | Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. --Winston Churchill | | |
| Beat Bama | Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. --Ernest Hemingway | | |
| Beat Bama | You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. --Frank Zappa | | |
| Beat Bama | Alcohol, the cause and solution to all of life's problems. --Homer Simpson | | |
| Beat Bama | I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. --Tom Waits | | |
| Beat Bama | "Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one." --Homer Simpson | | |
| Beat Bama | "Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies, come to life and fade away. What care I how the day advances, I am drinking ale today." Edgar Allan Poe | | |
| Beat Bama | "What event is more awfully important to an English colony than the erection of its first brewhouse?" Rev Sydney Smith | | |
| Beat Bama | Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. --Ambrose Bierce | | |
| Beat Bama | The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart | | |
| Steve | Bart: Can I be a boozehound? Homer: Not till your fifteen. | | |
| Beat Bama | Mike Hammer drinks beer because I can't spell cognac. -Mickey Spillane | | |
| Sam | "I like beer/ it makes me a jolly good fellow/ I like beer/ it helps me unwind, and sometimes it makes me feel mellow..." -Tom T. Hall | | |
| Sam | "There's damsels in distress out there, and we got all this beer" -Jimmy Buffett | | |
| Steve | We'll raise up our glasses against evil forces singin' "Whiskey for my men, and beer for our horses" . --Toby Keith and WIllie Nelson | | |
| Sam | "Whiskey for me, beer for my horse!" -Jan Michael Vincent, "Bite the Bullet " (1975) | | |
| Sam | "There's a tear in my beer..." -Hank Williams, Sr. | | |
| Sam | "Yeah, there's nothing like a good, smelly saloon." -Kevin Kline, "Silverado" | | |
| Sam | "I don't know what you're gonna do, but I'm gonna get me a bottle of tequila, find me one of those kino girls that can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch, and kinda...kick back." -Willie Nelson, "The Electric Horseman" | | |
| Steve | Why don't we get drunk, and screw? --Jimmy Buffett | | |
| Steve | The Pope doesn't recognize the Protestants, Christians don't recognize Islam, and Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store. --Old Southern Saying | | |
| Steve | Liquor before Beer, Never Fear. Beer before Liquor, Never Sicker. --Oft-ignored college saying | | |
| Steve | Here's to our wives and sweethearts.....Pray that they never meet. --Old English Toast | | |
| Sam | "Uh huhhuh huh huh...Hey, bebbe..I gotta beer" -Butthead, "Beavis and Butthead" | | |
| Steve | Beer is the nectar of the Nitwits. --Comic Book Guy, "The Simpsons" | | |
| Sam | Sheriff Bart: "A man that drinks like that and don't eat is going to die." Waco Kid: "....When?" -Blazing Saddles | | |
| Steve | Pour me something tall and strong, make it a Hurricane, before I go insane........It's 5 o'clock somewhere. --Jimmy Buffet | | |
| Sam | "Me and my brother always said drowning in beer would be like dying and going to heaven. Now he's gone, I got two soakers...This isn't heaven, this sucks!" -Bob McKenzie, "Strange Brew" | | |
| Steve | They're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone. --Billy Joel | | |
| Sam | "So put me in a cool place where I'm the King of Beers, 40 to 45 degrees will do..." -John Prine | | |
| Sam | Val: I can't believe we passed up free beer! Earle: We faced temptation and did not bend, goddamn praise the lord!!" --Tremors | | |
| Sam | "Give my stomach to Milwaukee if they run out of beer..." --John Prine | | |
| Steve | And as the moon rises he sits by his fire, thinking of women and glasses of beer. --James Taylor | | |
| Sam | "He sure does love his Falstaff beer, he loves to chase it down with that Wild Turkey liquor" --Jerry Jeff Walker | | |
| Sam | Bart: "Can I get you a beer, Dad?" Lisa: "No, I want to get him a beer!" Homer: "Kids, kids. You can BOTH get me a beer." --The Simpsons | | |
| Magic_Hat | Q-Bert - "I hear alcohol makes you stupid." Fry - "I am... doesn't..." - Futurama | | |
| John | "Seems like yesterday, I was here, dreaming my life away and drinking beer." -Robert Earl Keen, Dreadful Selfish Crime | | |
| Steve | I'm a People Person.....that drinks. --Homer Simpson | | |
| Sam | "There's no place that I'd rather be than right here, with my redneck, white socks and Blue Ribbon Beer" --Johnny Russell | | |
| Steve | Fifty Thou a year will buy a lot of beer. --Timbuk 3 (Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades) | | |
| Magic_Hat | "And to think, I gave into mindless happiness when I had beer all along. And you Marge, the Bringer of Beer." - Homer Simpson | | |
| Sam | "On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a beer...in a tree." --Bob and Doug McKenzie | | |
| Sam | "Give me oysters and beer, for dinner every day of the year, and I'll be fine..." --Jimmy Buffett | | |
| Steve | You put the beer in the coconut and drink it all up. You put the beer in the coconut and throw the can away. --Homer Simpson | | |
| Steve | He makes Martinis just the way I like them....full of alcohol. --Homer Simpson | | |
| Rocky | The liver is evil and deserves to be punished. -- T-shirt in Vegas | | |
| alfa | If all be true that I doe thinke,/ there are five reasons why men sholde drinke,/ good friends, good beer, or being dry,/ lest we be like to be so, bye and bye,/ Or any other reason why. Anon | | |
| alfa | "I have made an important discovery that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication." Oscar Wilde | | |
| Steve | Mr Burns: I want you to love me! Homer Simpson: OK, but we'll need to get some beer..... | | |
| Sam | "I'm gonna get drunk and I sure do dread it, 'cause I know just what I'm gonna do..." --Willie Nelson | | |
| Don N | "I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem." | | |
| Magic_Hat | "I wouldn't wash my car in it ... It's bubble-gum beer." - Ottmar Riesing, a Bavarian Beer Club member referring to Budweiser. | | |
| Steve | "Give my people plenty of beer, good beer and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution" --Queen Victoria | | |
| Steve | Homer: "I'm mild-mannered Homer Simpson." Lisa: "You're not mild-mannered. You're often liquored-up, and rude." | | |
| Jon Bush | when i was a child i played with childish things,now that i am a man i get drunk and do childish things. Jon Bush | | |
| Rocky | "Hoppiness is Happiness" - label of Victory's Hop Wallop | | |
| Steve | I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability. --Ron White | | |
| Steve | I wasn't drunk in Public. I was drunk in a bar. They THREW me into Public. --Ron White | | |
| Countryboy | "C'mon, lets go drink 'til we can't feel feelings anymore." - Peter Griffin | | |
| Steve | When I drink whiskey, I drink whiskey; and when I drink water, I drink water. -Michaleen Flynn | | |
| derek2285 | Peter (Family Guy): No Lois, I'm not drunk, I'm just exhausted from staying up and drinking all night | | |
| Steve | Folks are thirsty in Atlanta, and there's beer in Texarkana! --Jerry Reed | | |
| Rocky | "Don't drink and drive....you might spill!" -Unknown | | |
| hankins2005 | Spilling your beer is the worst form of alcohol abuse -- Author unknown | | |
| hankins2005 | The difference in a drunk and an alcoholic is ,an alocoholic goes to meetings .I must be a drunk | | |
| wolvin | I don't have a drinking problem, except when I can't get a drink. - Tom Waits | | |
| wolvin | The piano's been drinking, not me. - Tom Waits | | |
| Don N | "I will make it a felony to drink small beer". Shakespeare Henry IV | | |
| John | "And I thought to myself, 'I haven't had a Schlitz since the third grade!'"- Robert Earl Keen | | |
| John | "There's a girl in her bare feet asleep in the back seat and that trunk is full of Pearl and Lone Star."- Terry Allen, Amarillo Highway | | |
| John | "You give me another beer. I'm 21!" --Meatwad (Aqua Teen Hunger Force) | | |
| John | "What, you just decide that I'm drunk? You can't deicde that! I make that descion, that descion is mine and God's" --Meatwad (Aqua Teen Hunger Force) | | |
| John | "We get checks from the government and spend them on beer!" --Err the Mooninite (Aqua Teen Hunger Force) | | |
| Kris | "Vat is shtyle?" -New Belgium Brewmaster, Peter Bouckaert | | |
| bkforbes | In heaven there is no beer, that's why we drink it here! And when we're gone from here, all our friends will be drinking all the beer!- Hawkeye Victory March | | |
| bkforbes | The best kind of beer is free and cold- my dad | | |
| bkforbes | We walk into the bar and the fellas all cheer/ The order us Jagermeister and Guiness beer/ You ask us why we are reciting this poem/ You all call this a bar but we call it home.- Paddy and Bill | | |
| Don N | "The whole world is three drinks behind." H Bogart | | |
| fasdeddy | If you give a man a fish you will have kept him from hunger for a day. If you teach a man to fish he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. | | |
| John | "Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right."- Mitch Hedberg | | |
| Kris | "If the Irish weren't such raging alcoholics, it would be pronounced Smithwicks." -Steve | | |
