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"Oh, lager beer! It makes good cheer, And proves the poor man's worth; It cools the body through and through, and regulates the health."

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
-Dave Barry

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."
-Dave Barry

"The letters in 'Brace Beemer' can be arranged to spell 'Embrace Beer.'"
-Dave Barry, referring to the actor who played the Lone Ranger on radio

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
-Humphrey Bogart

"The sum of the matter is, the people drink because they wish to drink."
-Rudolph Brand

"People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot."
-Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

"Beer will always have a definite role in the diet of an individual and can be considered a cog in the wheel of nutritional foods."
-Bruce Carlton

"No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer."
-John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough

"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
-Winston Churchill

"Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop."
-Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944

"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
-Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
-His reply

"An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger, or a beer."

"The roots and herbes beaten and put into new ale or beer and daily drunk, cleareth, strengtheneth and quickeneth the sight of the eyes."
-Nicholas Culpeper

"If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
-David Daye

"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."
-Deep Thought, Jack Handy

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed - Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'"
-Deep Thought, Jack Handy

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."
-W.C. Fields

"Everybody has to believe in something.....I believe I'll have another drink."
-W.C. Fields

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
-Benjamin Franklin

"The easiest way to spot a wanker in a pub is to look around and find who's drinking a Corona with a slice of lemon in the neck."
-Warwick Franks

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
-Ernest Hemmingway

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
-For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

"They who drink beer will think beer."
-Washington Irving

"One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesn't live like the previous generation. It hasn't yet given up jeans and T-shirts or beer."
-Ron Klugman, SVP, Coors Brewing

"I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer."
-Abraham Lincoln

"We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old."
-Martin Luther

"Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into."
-Don Marquis

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
-Dean Martin

"Whoever serves beer or wine watered down, he himself deserves in them to drown."
-Midieval plea for pure libations

"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."
-David Moulton

"I drink to make other people interesting."
-George Jean Nathan

"May the roof above us never fall in, and may we friends gathered below never fall out."
-Old Irish Blessing

"May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead."
-Old Irish Toast

"A bar is better than a newspaper for public discussion."
-Jim Parker, on the importance of a healthy pub culture

"He was a wise man who invented beer."

"God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?"
-Restroom in The Irish Times, Washington DC

"...there is only one game at the heart of America and that is baseball, and only one beverage to be found sloshing at the depths of our national soul and that is beer."
-Peter Richmond

"Beer needs baseball, and baseball needs beer - it has always been thus."
-Peter Richmond

"Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working."
-Harold Rudolph

"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."
-Homer Simpson

"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
-Homer Simpson

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
-Frank Sinatra

"I never met a pub I didn't like."
-Pete Slosberg, Founder of Pete's Brewing Company

"[I recommend] bread, meat, vegetables and beer."
-Sophocles' philosophy of a moderate diet

"This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption... Beer!"
-Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, Friar Tuck

"Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire."
-David Rains Wallace

"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world."
-Kaiser Welhelm

"I'm going to buy a boat... do a little travelling, and I'm going to be drinking beer!"
-John Welsh, Brooklyn bus driver who won $30 million in the New York lottery

"Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink."
-Whitstran Brewery sign

"Work is the curse of the drinking class."
-Oscar Wilde

"Who does not love beer, wine, women and song remains a fool his whole life long."
-Carl Worner

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
-Henny Youngman

"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."
-Catherine Zandonella

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."
-Frank Zappa

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